I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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