I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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