I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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