I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
