i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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