Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
