This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
