I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
