I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
