Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
