She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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