Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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