Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
