matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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