So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I would ride that face into the sunset
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
