I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize