Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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