Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
