I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
