you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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