My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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