if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
