i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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