I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
