She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
