It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize