Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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