And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
