you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
