how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
