you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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