best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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