Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
