My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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