Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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