I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This couple is walking their pig around campus
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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