so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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