I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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