also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
