I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize