3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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