great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
