Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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