I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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