I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
