FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
