I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
