you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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