Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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