arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
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Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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