I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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