And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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