i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
