I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
