they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
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I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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